What Socially Comfortable People Do Differently

We are never free of a potentially awkward moment waiting for us round the corner — we stumble, fall, say the wrong thing, forget what to say or we find ourselves at a loss for words. This is the rite of passage for every one of us.

It could be something as awkward as going in for a handshake when the other person intended to do a hug. Or calling out someone by the wrong name. Or spilling your food on the floor of the office cafeteria during lunch.

“It isn’t about reaching a mythical finish line where you’ll never feel awkward again. Its about building a relationship with those feelings of vulnerability, those sincere attempts to connect - even when they are clumsy - which are actually what makes us human and relatable. ”

- Vanessa Van Edwards (Researcher, The Science of People )

Most of us try hard to prevent such awkward social mishaps from happening. But the truth is, the harder we try to avoid awkwardness, the more we might be setting up the very situation we are trying to avoid.

So what can you do when an awkward moment happens?

Say you are on an evening date. The restaurant has a décor that matches your part-formal-part-casual attire. Your conversations are flowing effortlessly. You feel delighted to be there. But then, just as you are about to take a bite out of the ramen wrapped around your fork, you drop some on your top. Shit! Shit Shit! It doesn’t take long for you to panic. You’re scampering for the nearest tissue and trying to rub the sauce off. You feel like an idiot.

Here’s what you should do:

• Don’t panic. Practice staying calm. Show your ability to stay grounded when things don’t go as planned.

• Don’t fill up the space with your nervous apologies. Honestly though, there really is no need to apologize in this case. If it happened to be that you spilled the food over your date, then yes.

• Don’t say self-sabotaging things like - “I’m sure you’ve decided you aren’t going to see me again.” while feeling embarrassed.

  
  

Now here’s what you definitely should do:

You need to realize that your reaction will determine how the other person will view this ‘awkward’ scene. Its called social mirroring and you must use this to your advantage.

• If you show panic, they will feel panic as well

• If you show humiliation, they will feel awkward themselves

• If you show anger, they will feel unsafe

• But if you stay cool and take a friendly jab at the whole thing, they will feel at ease and maybe even be on your side

Do the fourth thing. Always. You are not only owning that awkward moment but you are shining through a situation many don’t handle well. And that leaves a memorable mark about you in people’s mind.

To the example above, if you spilled food over yourself, you can say something like - “At least you know I’m not perfect.” (Say it with a playful smile).

Practice at home

Below are some awkward moments that can happen. What do you think is the best way to deal with them?

Awkward moment	Where you are	What can you say or do?
You pronounce the client’s name incorrectly	On a zoom call
You freeze while answering a question in a team meeting	In the conference room
You walk in with rain drenched clothes	A premium social gathering event
Your joke doesn’t land with a stranger seated next to you	On a flight