Break The Predictability of Conversations; Stand out

Quite often you’ll notice that as your conversation with a new person progresses, they speak in a style or use words that carry some level of predictability. In other words, you feel a familiar pattern emerge through those conversations.

Moreover, by looking at the other person’s body language and flow of conversation, you sense the level of engagement you want to have with them. If you sense that the person is exhibiting a kind of ‘sameness’ like most others you interact with, you will not be too keen on knowing them deeper.

But on the flipside, if there’s someone who is able to break that pattern of familiarity, then that is the person who stays etched in your head. Either they do it with body language or speaking style or the content of what they said — or all of them.

The psychology behind it

In 1932, Sir Fredric Bartlett, a British psychologist’s work on schema-inconsistency showed how breaking patterns creates a vivid memory in people’s minds.

Our brains rely on schemas — mental frameworks of how interactions typically unfold. In conversations, schemas help us predict tone, words, and expected responses.

When someone follows the script, our brain processes it as familiar, almost “autopilot.” But when someone disrupts the expected pattern — through humor, an unusual question, a surprising body language cue — it forces a schema adjustment.

This disruption increases attention, encoding, and memory.

How do you break pattern?

Its not as simple as saying what you think will sound different or making some out-of-the-box nonverbal gestures.

It starts by getting to a place of authenticity. When you are there, you will stop ‘trying’ to be different. Rather, you will be.

For that to happen, you must do the inner work. On a daily basis, spend time to get to know yourself — your likes, dislikes, interests, what you believe in, what drives you, your goals, values, etc. This remarkably helps you to make choices that align with who you are and not conform to the influence of everything and everyone around you.

As you get to know these things about you, you will soon see a uniqueness about you and your words, behaviours will align to that.

Example

Say by doing the inner work, you gradually stopped comparing yourself to others. Because of this, for the first time, there’s a sense of pride you take in being where you are in your personal or professional journey. That feeling carriers over into conversations. You speak to people as someone who is proud of having lived a life that is their unique own. People will be drawn towards it and you will leave a mark on them.

Or maybe you speak to people as someone who carries a twinkle in their eye - like someone who knows they are capable of changing what they don’t like.

Or maybe you speak as someone who likes having fun despite the ups and downs of life. Or maybe you realize you like having deeper conversations and so you become someone who is genuinely curious about the other person.

Many don’t do this. Many are caught up playing pretend, or thinking about what they’ll say next, or to sound smart and be liked. Everybody’s doing that and it all feels the same.

We are quietly hoping for people who come and break the routine mould of our lives.