Curiosity Is The Shortcut To Connection

From 'I' to 'You'

Most of the times we want to talk about ourselves:

‘This is what I think..’

‘This is what I did..’

‘This is what I want..’

And the list goes on.

When we stay too focused on I, we forget to be curious about You. Yet, genuine curiosity is one of the strongest social skills. It opens people up. It makes them feel seen. It builds trust.

Let’s see how this plays out in different scenarios:

Manager & Team Member

Without Curiosity

TM: I’ve sent the updated cost sheet to the client. They’ll revert in 3 days. 

Manager: Okay. (pause) 

Manager: I want the update on the deck as well. 

TM: Nearly done. 

Manager: When can I see it? 

TM: Umm...tomorrow. 

Manager: Make sure it’s not delayed. 

TM: Sure.

The conversation was efficient, but transactional. No connection was created.

With Curiosity

TM: I’ve sent the updated cost sheet to the client. They’ll revert in 3 days.

Manager: Okay, thanks. (pause) 

Manager: You were fine to handle it by yourself, right? 

TM: Hmm.. it was fine. Last minute, but I managed. 

Manager: Good. Just checking. 

TM: Thanks. I’ll take care of the deck too. 

Manager: Appreciate it. 

TM: I’ll send it tomorrow.

Here, curiosity came from genuine care—and it instantly elevated the team member.

My own story:

One morning, at the end of my group gym class, I overheard a lady talk intensely about running. I got genuinely curious because I was keen on getting back to running after a break. From the way she spoke, I felt like she was an avid runner. So I approached her and asked her about her running.

She answered at length. She began telling me about her running aspiration, her challenges in balancing it with work hours and some health-related difficulties.

Each time I’d nod and let a pause sit there, she’d continue and tell me some more things about her. After the end of a long response, I thought I’d get a similarly curious question in return.

But, no. What I got was a ‘how-to manual’ on breathing while holding a wall sit position.

Over the next few times we bumped into each other, I was always the one being curious, asking if she went running that week. She’d happily give detailed answers. I’d get nothing asked in return.

Overtime, that curiosity changed into polite small talk if I happened to see her.

This made me realize how valuable a little curiosity about the other person can be. It is going to make them feel seen and heard. When you give them that, they’ll remember you.