How Other People Shape The Way You Speak

Research says that we imitate the behavior of 3 groups of people:

1. The Close

2. The Many

3. The Powerful

This has been illustrated well in the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. Let’s dive into each of them.

1. The Close

By living with someone for a long time, we start imitating their small subtle habits. If your partner has the habit of kicking their shoes off, picking up a pack of chips and watching Netflix after work, then the possibility of you imitating that behaviour is high.

Similarly, if your partner has the habit of putting on their gym wear after work and squatting for 15 minutes on a daily basis, the possibility of you imitating that behvaiour is also high.

Why this matters:

We adopt behavioural patterns of the people we spend a considerable amount of time with. This often becomes a cycle of comfort because our motivation (or lack thereof) comes from someone who we share a trusted relationship with.

If its a good habit, your partner can help you aspire to grow. But if its a bad habit, your partner and you may get stuck in a loop without anyone stepping up to break it.

What you can do:

If you are aware that you need to grow in certain areas — confidence, communication skills, or in holding conversations — and if your partner does not have the behaviour that matches this aspiration, realize that you are stuck in a stagnant zone and need to break from it.

Though this is hard, it sets in motion a positive change. Your new habits - that align to make you a better communicator - will make way for tiny behavioural shifts.

Those close to you too will unconsciously begin adopting these positive behaviours from you.

2. The Many

In the 1950s, Solomon Asch conducted an experiment to test the power of conformity.

In the experiment, Solomon asked participants if they thought the line of the left card matched any line on the right card.

The answer: Yes, it matches with line C.

But in a twist, he deliberately instructed a few outside assistants to respond with the incorrect answer. The result showed that 75% of the participants got influenced by the outside assistants and chose the incorrect answer themselves.

What this proves:

We tend to conform ourselves to the many — opinions, way of life and choices. This is hardwired into us because we want to be accepted into communities.

Going against the status quo may lead to removal from the tribe.

If the colleagues you hang out with have the habit of snacking on junk during break, its likely you will do the same. Not doing so will attract pressure, questions and maybe even ridicule.

Because of this conformity, you lose your authenticity. This authenticity comes in the form of your opinions, points of views and lifestyle choices. Remember, people find comfort in being part of the herd, but its refreshing to see someone who stands out on their own.

What you can do:

Do not conform to other’s points of views and way of life. Build your own. It will take time. But when you do, your identity will stand out from everyone else. You will look and feel different when people talk to you. You will be authentic. Not a copy of every other person.

3. The Powerful

Powerful here refers to people who we consider to be highly achieved. We associate their success to many different factors including their creativity, acumen and also the way they speak, carry themselves, live, etc. Because of this admiration, we (consciously or unconsciously) tend to imitate them.

There may be someone who we admire in our close circles and we adopt their behaviours — the way they move, the way they talk, etc. — as a way to try and be like them.

With the internet, we can look up and read about whoever we admire, trying to analyze what makes them different and maybe even adopt what they do into our own lives.

Why this matters:

Again, because of the internet, you can actively choose to follow the people who you aspire to be like. A beat by beat analysis of their actions, their work and life’s stories are easily available.

What you can do:

Study these people you admire and incorporate their behaviours — their conversation style, their body language etc — when you are interacting with people.

Check out Charisma on Command on youtube. They analyze powerful people and dissect what makes them captivating.